On Community & Feeling Settled

August 5, 2013

Today I have a real question for this little online community. Do you like your community, your real life one? In other words, do you like where you live? I’m curious. We have this conversation a lot, and I can’t figure out if it’s a normal wondering of our brains… To consider what life would be like somewhere else?

There are things I really love about our small suburb of Atlanta. There are things I love about the big city of Atlanta. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder… “What if we lived somewhere else?” and “What opportunities am I and are we missing, elsewhere?” Then I turn the question back on myself… In my selfish wonderings of “elsewhere” what opportunities am I missing right here in my own backyard?

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I wrestle with this question so often. I know I get in my own way of enjoying where we are right now. And if I’m getting in my own way here, what would be different if we simply (physically) lived somewhere else? And I wonder if everyone doubts where they are? (Do you?)
When Allen and I were first married, I used to tell my Mom all the time that I couldn’t wait to feel “settled.” That even though we purchased a house I didn’t feel settled. I didn’t feel settled in my career. That maybe once we had kids I’d feel settled, purposeful. She stopped me in my tracks one day when she said, “Whitney, you’ll never feel settled. Even with kids, a move or a big change could be right around the corner.” 
But four years later, that old feeling has come back. I still don’t feel settled. And it weighs on me like a ton of bricks. What are we doing wrong? Is my lack of feeling settled, a selfish “elsewhere” wondering of my mind? Or is there something inside me trying to tell me to push forward and pursue something greater? Will it always feel like this?
PS – Blogs are funny journals. I love being able to go back in my “Personal” tag archives, and I remember feeling this way here and here. And remembering that we came out of it alive. And better for it.

Copyright Whitney Curtis 2010-2013

8 thoughts on “On Community & Feeling Settled

  1. Joy | Frock Files

    Living out here on the North Shore of Massachusetts, I’ve started to feel a lot more settled than I ever have before, which has a lot to do with being married, having lived here before and making the choice to move back, and doing something that I love. But I’m always thinking about moving into a house (since we live in a condo) or what we might do when my parents get older — whether we might move back to the West Coast to be a few hours closer to Hawaii. Life is always changing and moving, and I think we always need to be ready to roll right along with it. So maybe feeling “unsettled” isn’t such a bad thing after all. You’ll be ready when a new opportunity presents itself! In the meantime, I can’t tell you how often I’ve wished that my family lived closer, or that I could go back and visit my hometown for the day, so enjoy it while you can!

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  2. Ckin

    I agree with Joy; it’s not a bad thing to feel unsettled and want to explore new things. At the same time, embrace and enjoy where you are and who you are. Life consists of many seasons, it’s okay to change your preferences, your favorites, your style and etc.That’s what makes life interesting!

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  3. Emily

    I needed this post! I moved to the east coast after living in the west my whole life, and my husband and kids are thriving here, but I feel terrible because I feel so unsettled. Everyone says to enjoy where you are at this moment, so I am trying to find small daily happiness and contentment, but the unsettling feeling can be so overwhelming. I don’t have any advice…just that I totally understand how you feel!

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  4. Briana Mahoney

    I feel similarly—I love Denver and have no questions about the place–but my friend group has drastically shifted since I graduated Seminary in May and I’m feeling as though I moved to a new place and am having to start over with friendships when I’ve been here 3 years. I also tend to imagine that I’d feel settled if I wasn’t in an apartment or if I was married and definitely if I had kids. It’s an interesting reminder that that feeling could always be elusive and to reevaluate what I’m missing by just looking forward to that feeling. It does make me wonder just how much I’m missing in the moment. Thanks, Whit! Great, honest question.

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  5. K W

    I feel the same, we are just both about to finish our internships. We don’t have a place to live, we don’t have jobs, I keep wondering, did we pick the right place. I don’t feel like I’m being super helpful right now haha.

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  6. Danielle

    I know this feeling ALL to well. I absolutely LOVE Nashville and I’m finding new things I love about it every single day, but sometimes I find myself wondering if it’s where I’m “meant” to be. I’ve decided it is for now, and I’ll enjoy it while I’m here instead of looking ahead. One day I may be in another city, enjoying all it has to offer, too, but for now this is the place for me. Loved this post! Easy to relate to!

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